Ingredients:
Nori (About 3 sheets)
1 package tofu (medium/firm whichever you prefer, I personally like the taste of medium more, but firm is easier to make)
Salt to taste
Directions:
1. Open package of tofu and rinse in cold water. Pat dry with a paper towel.
2. Cut the tofu into little rectangles.
3. Sprinkle salt on the tofu.
4. Using scissors, cut the seaweed into smaller sheets. For mine I cut it in half one way and then into 4 the other direction (8 pieces in total for each sheet)
5. Wrap tofu in the seaweed. Have a bowl or glass of water by you and dip your finger in the water to wet the edge of the seaweed so it sticks and stays together.
6. Once they're all wrapped, heat oil in a wok or frying pan and fry tofu until golden brown.
7. Serve.
Now onto my life. Its ironic, because this whole mess revolves around food which I love so much. So its exam season, and everybody's stressed out about their exams. Its a normal thing. But my boyfriend... Holy shit.
On the last day of classes, which was Friday, he asked me to go over because he missed me and he was so nervous about his job interview the next day. So I went out of my way to go over to his place. Then when I was there, all he wanted was for me to help him decide what to wear. And then after that he just settled down and studied. So I just went to bed, since it was past my bedtime anyway. I didn't think too much about it then. Then the next day came, and like usual, he made me breakfast (Instant noodles ._.), and he went to studying again after he made me it and while I was eating. Then he left for his interview and to visit his sister.
He was gone until around 5 pm, leaving me there at his place for the entire time he was gone. There was no vegan food there, except for instant noodles. Nothing. I was already hungry before he left, and he knew it. I was starving by the time he came back, and I asked him to go get some groceries with me. His response? "I have no time, I have so much studying to do." So I was just like, whatever, studying is important. So I just shut up and let him study and studied as well. Then after about an hour, he gets up, gets on his bed and takes a nap. Which is when I started to get pissed. Because he didn't have time to go grocery shopping with me, but he had time for a nap. And once I start to get pissed, I tend start to overthink everything. I would be talking to myself in my head. "He doesn't care about me... I've been starving all day, and he wouldn't even take half an hour out of his time to get some food with me... And now he's taking a nap. Wtf happened to not having time?"
And then he gets up and starts studying again. All the while, he's eating snacks that I can't eat. Munching on the snacks, and like, rubbing it in. And he gives me this little package crappy, cheap looking Easter candy that just looks so unappealing, and says here's your lunch. I seriously wanted to throw it in his face. And then a few hours later, which was around 8 I think, he gets up and finally decides he wants dinner. That's when he finally asks me, if I want noodles. I was just so pissed, I ignored him. But then going on inside my head, I was thinking about when I'm at home.... Yes, I'm homesick. My mom would always make me food, even if I said I didn't want any or that I'm not hungry. And she'd make me eat it. Because she cared, and knew that I have to eat. So then what started to go on inside my head, was that if he really cared, he would make me noodles anyway and make me eat it. And I did hear him cooking so for a second I thought maybe he was making me something. But no. He made himself noodles. And ate it right in front of me. Rubbing it in even more.
So I basically didn't eat all day. I guess it was basically my own fault too though, because I could've gone grocery shopping myself and made myself dinner, or I could've said yes when he asked if I wanted noodles. But still, I was just so mad. And I wanted to assure myself that he cared for me. Which only proved to myself that he doesn't. And it just made me even more homesick, because I miss the attention and care that my mom always gave me so much.
Then a couple hours later, he finally noticed that something was wrong. And tried to talk to me and the fact that he finally took some time out of his studying to give me some attention, plus some of the things he said, made me think maybe he does care. So I forgave him.
But then the next morning.... or more like afternoon, because he sleeps in so much... I woke him up, and told him I'm starving. And he tells me to go make myself some noodles. (For the record, I fucking hate instant noodles. They're so unhealthy and gross. And also, I hate making myself at home at other peoples places, even though we're so close. It just doesn't seem right. I have family friends that I've been going to their places for my entire life and I don't even pour myself a glass of water there. Also, he has the WORST cooking utensils ever imaginable. I can't even make instant noodles with what he has.) So I'm like, "No, you make me some." And then he goes on with his excuses, saying how he's so tired and stressed about exams and family problems.... That's when it really hit me. My last boyfriend blamed EVERYTHING on stress and family problems. It pissed me off SO much. I don't see them as acceptable excuses to anything. He should be able to handle it. So I almost flipped, but as calmly as I could, I was just like "Why did you even ask me to come over, if you have so much studying to do? I'm leaving." And all he says is "That's probably for the best." And he gets up and makes noodles just as I'm about to leave, and they're ready right when I'm putting my shoes on, and he's like, "You can have some noodles if you want." Going on in my head I'm thinking "I don't want your fucking noodles, I'm leaving. Fuck you." So I just opened the door and left. He didn't even say bye. I didn't even say bye either. I guess I did overreact a bit though. But I really did feel neglected. He didn't even call or text me after I left. He hadn't even said a single word of concern or comfort to me.
That Friday, had been the last day for this sale on flights with Air Canada. I had been thinking about whether or not to go home after my final exams for a while. The only thing that was making me want to stay here, was him. I finally decided to stay. Just for him. I didn't get the tickets at the cheap, cheap price they were selling for, which was about 50% off the regular price. But after what had happened... I really thought, I can't stay. I need someone to care about me, and he wouldn't be the one to. So when I got home, I checked for flights going home, and they were so much more expensive. I really regretted for thinking for even a second, that I could rely on him. I really wanted to go home, where I'd be in the care of my parents once again. So despite the expensive flight tickets, I got one to go back. I haven't told him I'm leaving yet. I don't plan to until after I'm gone.
All this has made me feel like I'm being a horrible, horrible person though. Not just a horrible girlfriend. I wish I could be one who could support him with his studies in any way and not be so greedy in terms of care and attention. When he was applying for his job, a part of me secretly wished that he wouldn't get the job so he could spend more time with me. Today when he told me he got the job, I wasn't even happy for him. I really should be though. His career is probably my future. If this lasts. But maybe his career won't even have anything to do with my future even if we were to get married one day and live together since he seems to be such a shrewd person. I don't know... It just seems like he brings out the worst of me. I'm just being such a horrible person lately. I keep trying to live by this "rule", which is also another one of my favourite quotes:
"We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give."
But I have to admit.... I fail.
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